


Neuabgleich

by PKA



Series: The Neu Series [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Cuddling & Snuggling, Levi's and Erwin's Room, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-16 03:36:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19309831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PKA/pseuds/PKA
Summary: Usually, Levi would enjoy the limited time they have together, but ever since he lost his arm, something about Erwin feels off.





	Neuabgleich

**Author's Note:**

> First fic for a new fandom, how very exciting! After the recent episodes I've gone down the road to Eruri hell and really needed to write a couple of fics to keep me sane. So yeah, I'm an entirely new fan, so if I made any mistakes, feel free to correct me or debate characterization with me. I love criticism. :)  
> Thanks to [feelindadarkness](https://archiveofourown.org/users/feelindadarkness/pseuds/feelindadarkness) for taking the time to beta, it's much appreciated! <3

Readjusting always took time. 

Whenever they both returned from an expedition, there was a period of time in which they had to become used to each other again. Used to being something else than commander and captain. Finding their way back into intimacy wasn’t an easy task for either of them, not after what they saw each time they went beyond the walls. The screams, blood, death and destruction haunted them, found their way into their bed and between their bodies.

The first nights had always been quiet. Well, maybe not always, maybe not right at the beginning of this, when they had both been younger and immediacy had forced them together despite—or maybe because of—the pain, igniting in them the desperate need to feel alive. That had changed, over the years. Most of the time they both came back hurt in some form or another, bruised and beaten, and they needed to take that into account, but this time was different.

This time, everything seemed to have changed.

Levi couldn’t seem to remember how long they had been separated. First because Erwin lay in his own bed, recovering, and then because all the shit came crashing down on them. Spending time with his squad in the mountains, losing and tracking Eren and Historia, torturing MPs, confronting Kenny and his crew, killing and always on the brink of being killed. The same applied to Erwin, who had gambled, as he did, and almost lost his life on the gallows. Communication between them hadn’t exceeded short messages, which had been straight to the point and focused on the mission at hand. 

And now they were back here, back in their room, in their bed, and the distance between them seemed greater than ever. It wasn’t because Levi couldn’t bring himself to touch Erwin with hands that had killed humans—it had been a few years, yes, but it had been necessary. Their dirtied hands found each other just as well as ever in the dark. They didn’t speak, they didn’t need to, but Levi could hear Erwin’s breath and judge him from that alone. He wasn’t asleep yet, but his breathing was deep—he was lost in thoughts, distracted. These nights had belonged to them, once, but now he needed to share them with whatever occupied Erwin’s brain. Levi felt him slip away. He pressed closer to Erwin and closed his eyes.

Maybe it hadn’t been a few years since he’d killed humans. Not when their theory was correct and titans were nothing but transformed people. What had thrown Levi off most about this hadn’t been the revelation itself, however. He could not seem to forget Erwin’s face when he had received the news. The joy on his face had been the polar opposite of his own reaction, and seeing that unguarded happiness instead of his usual stoic expression had caused him to question… _them_.

Erwin had told him about his father and his theories, but Levi had never thought that it could have been the reason for him to join the Survey Corps. He had followed Erwin because of his strength of character, his willingness to give up everything for humanity. To find out that a dream of his took priority for him—it had been a shock.

Could he really be certain who this man he shared his bed with was? 

Erwin shifted. Levi felt a weight coming to rest on his head, heard Erwin’s soft inhale. He kept his eyes closed, let the familiarity of Erwin’s scent and warmth lull him into happiness for a moment, memories of easier days passing by in his imagination.

“Levi.”

“Hm?”

“Would you switch positions with me?”

Levi frowned against his chest. “Should you be laying on your right side?”

“Humor me,” Erwin said. His tone was warmer now, the voice he reserved only for him. “I’d like to be able to hold you.”

A needle pierced through his heart. “Alright,” Levi said, hoping his voice betrayed nothing.

He climbed over Erwin, ignoring the pain in his bones and the newly stitched wound in his shoulder. Erwin turned with him and caught Levi with his arm when he was just above him, keeping him in place.

“I’m going to hurt you,” Levi said, mindful of the bruises all across Erwin’s body, souvenirs of the inner MPs and their way of treating guests.

“You couldn’t.”

It would have been easy to escape Erwin’s grip had Levi wanted to. Neither of them had yet adjusted to Erwin’s missing limb and the loss of strength that came with it. Instead of fighting him, Levi chose to be compliant. He let Erwin’s remaining arm guide him down until he lay fully on top of Erwin. The closeness felt nice, comforting. After a moment, Levi let his hands roam, rediscovering skin, hair, flesh, muscle. He allowed himself to touch Erwin’s stump, still bandaged, and felt him raise his phantom arm to meet him.

No, they often did not need words to communicate. Levi felt the absence of Erwin’s arm, felt the same longing to be held by it that Erwin must have felt to hold him.

Had Erwin not lost this arm for humanity? Levi wondered. Had he pursued his dream, even in that battle, or had he simply done his duty? The real question, Levi discovered, was if it even mattered. Erwin had never lied to him. He was manipulative and cunning to achieve his goals, but he had always been honest with him. Sins of omission were the most Levi could hold against him. But he trusted Erwin, needed to trust him in this ever-changing world. There were parts of him that Erwin hid from him, willingly, and Levi had to trust there were good reasons for it, good intentions behind the mask. Levi had not yet reached the depths of him, the richness of his grief, but he had to trust that Erwin would share with him when the time came.

Levi thought of Kenny and his final words. Everyone had a drug, something to keep them going in this cruel world. Something that was just as easily able to destroy them. Who was he to judge Erwin for his addiction?

He’d take upon himself that burden, Levi decided. To be Erwin’s right hand. To try and protect him, keep him out of harm's way. To pursue with him that childish dream of his. To follow him, like he had always done. Until the end, whatever it may be.

Levi placed a kiss on Erwin’s lips. Erwin hummed against him, turned them both to the side so that they lay facing each other again, reversed now, with Erwin’s arm slung around him, holding him close to his heart.

They’d readjust. One last time.


End file.
